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Post by Brendan Reid on Feb 22, 2010 18:33:32 GMT
If youre reading this, declared the small handwriting on the paper, pinned to his desk with a bloody knife. You really shouldnt be caring. Im sick of the voices, tired of the pain, and unable to go on any further. This ache in my heart gets increasingly worse, the voice in my head louder. And if I live, this broken soul wont be able to go on the same way. Not as badly as Ive been hurt this time.
And P.S. If this is Diane: I still love you.
Brendan lay at the foot of his desk, the chair fallen ontop of him. But he just didnt have the strength to push it off of him. Surrounding his pale arms were pools of blood, deep red, the wounds getting more and more painful by the second. But he made sure if he was going out, he was going out with a reminder of how much Diane had hurt him on Valentines day.
Valentines day..
It echoed back at him in his head, like a child calling out into the darkness. But Brendan wouldnt answer. His guitar lay battered, splintered on the floor- his only escape from reality. The card from Diane was clutched in his hand, a last effort to read what she had written for the hundreth time. His fathers ring was clasped in his other hand, his nail having dug ruts into the skin, as he clung to the last thing he had of his father.
"You remember what I said...? That you couldn't hurt yourself because you belong to me?"
But he wasnt sober, wasnt thinking in his correct mind, as Brendan usually would. Because had he been sober, he would have realized that maybe -just maybe- Diane still loved him. The bottle of whisky lay, half drinken, half spilled onto the floor. It had burned on the way down, but not as bad as his lungs burned at the moment.
"I love you, Brendan.. Thats all I got."
He took in a sharp breath, his lung feeling on fire and about to explode. His heartbeat was slowing, considerably. And the blood was still trickling down his arms, a deep wound in one that screamed 'DIANE', in sloppy lines. Droplets of blood stained the carpet where he had walked from his bed, stabbed the note into the desk, and collapsed, the loss of blood making him dizzy.
"Marry me. Marry me, Brendan."
And dizzy he still was, lying -barely alive- on the floor, the testiment of his undying love to Diane.
"Promise me that we'll stay this happy forever. Promise that if I go away again then you won't get scared, promise me you'll always trust that you are my air, my God, my everything, whether you're here or not."
"I love you.." He whispered, his eyes glazed over in pain as he clung onto life, letting go little by little.
Ill love you forever..
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Post by Diane McLain on Feb 22, 2010 19:45:52 GMT
Diane carefully looked down at her hands, the ring sparkling still in the faint light of the corridor. She breathed in and out slowly, dread and wanting to see Brendan again. She knew what would happen, with a certainty even though it would turn out to be at least half-wrong. She knew that he would have taken her words the wrong way, spun them around into her not loving him, and he would look at her with those eyes again - the eyes of distrust, love that he thought he knew would never be returned. She had feared those eyes so much that it had taken her far too long to come back to them, though she never even considered that it might be too late...
She breathed out slowly, trying to work out what to say and do that would make it all seem better. 'I still want to marry you. I just don't want to lose a moment or ruin it by going to fast...' she shook her head. 'Brendan, please could we make it a long engagement?' she closed her eyes tightly. They all sounded terrible in her mind, and she knew how Brendan's love worked. He seemed to think it was all or nothing, 100mph or 0. Diane's 90 would never be good enough for him, she knew, and still she kept fighting for him, because she loved him.
Finally, with a shudder, she knocked on the door. "Brendan," she called out, her voice clear though her breathing was shaking. There was no response. Quickly, she remembered that she had a key to his room, and put the key to the lock, swinging the door open quickly and stepping in-
She stagged back, her breathing caught in her chest, her eyes wide and seeing nothing but red blurs. She blinked, her body paralysed in horror as she looked, her key dropping to the floor. And finally, at long last her eyes refocused.
Her body melted, sinking down to her knees like a waterfall, falling over herself. She was crawling along the ground paying no mind as her jeans and hands soon became covered in blood. "Br-Brendan...?" she called out, her voice haunting and unlike anything she's ever heard. She put her hand to his cheek, feeling it was cool, but still had some warmth. "Brendan, listen to me... I'm going to take care of you," she said, pulling herself up to him and pulling his head onto her knees. "Brendan, I love you." she said, her eyes glimmering with tears as she leant down to kiss his forehead.
She closed her eyes tightly, anger suddenly bursting through all of her viens. "SOMEONE HELP!" she screamed at the very top of her lungs, her voice sounding like it was ripping through her lungs.
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Post by Braxton Reid on Feb 22, 2010 19:55:42 GMT
Braxton walked to Brendans room for what he imagined was the fifteenth time that day.
"Bren, I-Its okay, see? I brought you a-" He saw the guitar first, Brendans baby, as his father used to tease him about. And thats when it finally clicked. Something was wrong. His eyes wandered to Diane, and his bleeding twin.
"Bren? Bren?" He walked toward her, dropping the puzzle, the pieces flying ever which way. The blood horrified him, but what made him sick was the fact that he had been drinking. Brendan never drank, never. And the room reaked of the alcohol.
"Diane?" He mumbled, trying to unclasp his brothers hands, then figuring that wasnt important. "DIANE TALK TO HIM! WAKE HIM UP!"
He grabbed his brothers hands, sitting him up, for he was sure to drown in his own blood.
"Bren! Wake up! Wake up!" He screamed as his brothers limp body collapsed against him.
"Diane, call someone.."
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Post by Diane McLain on Feb 22, 2010 20:05:00 GMT
Diane looked down, unable to close her eyes even though every image stung. His brother, entering the room and looking so like his twin it made her feel as though it was his spirit. Her eyes blurred into a red haze again, and still she saw too much.
She felt numb, useless as Brendan was pulled away from her, her arm resting against his but only out of coincidence. All she could hear was white noise, a quite muffled sound of Braxton speaking. Was he speaking to her or his brother? None of the words processed, her eyes staring forwards as useless as everything else in her body.
Why did people keep dying for her?
Her body stayed still, sharing Brendan's weakness, imagining she was nothing more than a spirit.
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Post by Braxton Reid on Feb 22, 2010 20:14:09 GMT
Braxton fished in his pocket for his phone, the one thing that never left his side. He quickly dialed the emergancy number, and in a blur, his brother was whisked away in what felt like only a second.
"Wait!" Braxton called, pulling a dazed Diane to her feet, pushing her towards the paramedics. "Take her with you."
He watched as they took her away too, a wave of white men that seemed so surreal to him. They looked like something out of a movie. Braxton looked down at his bloody hands, his bloody clothes, and the bloody room. He walked over to the damaged guitar, stroking the strings with his delicate fingers.
And in a wave of emotion, he suddenly wanted his brother back.
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Post by Diane McLain on Feb 22, 2010 20:25:30 GMT
The world was spinning too fast, the red merging with white, her breathing slow but even, feeling like she was in the middle of a road with cars rushing either side, and if she moved they would catch her and drag her with them. She could feel the people talking around her, aware that sometimes the blurred faces were in her direction, and then someone was close, a faint pressure on her arm as he held it, pulling her up.
She followed their commands soundlessly, emotionlessly. If there was any emotion it would hurt, and so there was none, she was simply a robot for their disposal, unable to close her wide eyes, unable to see anything from them, all of her senses dulled.
She sat in the abulance silently as they moved around Brendan, legs politely together, hands calmly resting on them, her head facing forwards, her breathing cold and even.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Feb 27, 2010 2:32:13 GMT
Brendan opened his eyes, gasping as he struggled against the bonds that held him to the stretcher. He was still dizzy, and didnt know what was going on anymore.
All he knew was he was lonely. He opened his hands, the card fluttering to the floor and the ring making a 'tink' as it hit the metal. His eyes widened as the ache in his heart came back, realizing he was alone once again.
Then he began to scream, the pain washing over him in a wave. He wanted to die, wanted to be no more. And the pain was just making that need all the greater. He arched his back, trying to break the restraints holding him down.
"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" He screamed until he grew hoarse. Then he began to cough. But he didnt care that blood was pooling at the back of his throat. He continued to scream.
Diane.. Diane, shes gone.. He thought, and began to scream louder, clawing at the stretcher.
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Post by Diane McLain on Feb 28, 2010 23:18:49 GMT
The paramedics fought against Brendan, trying desperately to force him to stop hurting himself further. They pulled him back on the stretcher, tightening restraints, unable to give the OK to get him sedated but still trying to calm him. They looked back at Diane for help, a mixture of disgust and concern towards the girl, before turning back.
Diane watched the paper flutter to the floor slowly, her eyes never falling from the moving slice thought the air, the chiming of the ring bouncing and rolling against the metal ringing. But she saw nothing through her glazed eyes, heard nothing but white noise against a muffled world. She kept her hands on her lap, her eyes straight forwards, nothing of the pain and chaos around her penetrating the bubble she had made around herself, devoid of love, hate, pain and comfort.
The ambulance came to a shuddering halt, as the doors were thrown open. Still, Diane did not move as the stretcher was rolled out of the doors, and into the hospital.
She was alone in the ambulance for just a moment, her eyes looking around and seeing nothing. Slowly, almost not moving at all, she knelt to the floor, picking up the metal band and reaching a shaking hand out to the card.
Another hand quickly grasped it, though Diane's eyes stayed where it had been. "Here, love," the intern told her, placing it into her hand. Diane's hand closed softly around it, though she refused to look into the woman's eyes.
She felt herself being moved, taken through the hospital before being placed in a room with a lot of chairs and decorations, and she quickly found her autopilot was being steered onto the chair. "It'll be alright, love. Want a cup or tea or coffee maybe?" Diane kept looking down, completely mute. "I'll get you something nice..."
The intern left, and returned a moment later with a drink in her hands. She looked around the waiting room, walking slowly to Diane's chair. It was empty, other than a few lost trinkets. A bloodstained valentines day card, a metal ring obviously meant for a man, a shiny diamond ring, and an open envelope with the word 'Brendan' scratched across it in curled letters. The letter was pinky orange on the edges, obviously not close to blood itself but still stained from the the dried remains on her hands. Inside, though the nurse didn't dare look, were about thirty multicoloured slips of paper, every edge dotted with hearts, every one with one side saying 'I.O.U.' in big letters, and the other side each with a different word; 'my trust', 'my life', 'an eternity', 'a moment of heaven', 'a kiss', 'an amazing valentines', 'a perfect wedding', 'a perfect date', 'staying beautiful for you forever', 'my middle-age', 'my old age', 'my future', 'my present', 'my undying love', 'a true family', 'everything you have ever given me', 'long life for both of us', 'a million nights of love', 'a home', 'eternal comfort', 'the movie we never got around to watching', 'a thousand hugs', 'something to remind me of you', 'a cure to your problem', 'a life without spirits', 'a happily ever after' were just a few.
The nurse walked into Brendan's room with her handful of items, putting each one on the table beside his bed, just in case he awoke. She wouldn't know what to say, and hoped that the message Diane had been unable to tell anyone would be understood.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Mar 1, 2010 3:53:23 GMT
Brendan woke up a few hours later, clutching the sheets. "Diane.." He whispered, realizing what he had done and regretting it the moment it crossed his mind. "I promised her.. Shes probably gone by now.." He mumbled, sitting up in his bed, his arm aching. He shook his head, the tears streaming down his cheeks. How could he live without her? How could he have hurt her so bad? What kind of person did this to the person he loved? You do. Thats who."Not now.. I just lost the only person I ever loved." He wanted to scream, climbing out of the all too familiar bed. And you think I care? Man, you fucked up bad. Congrats. Shes gone."I KNOW SHES GONE!" He screamed, tearing the IVs out of his arms, the only thing keeping him from dying. He pulled the oxygen mask off, his nails crushing the small plastic device. "I KNOW SHE GONE! I KNOW SHES NOT COMING BACK! IM NOT THE IDIOT YOU THINK I AM! SHES GONE BECAUSE OF YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU! I LOST MY DIANE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD! NOW! DO IT NOW! OR I SWEAR TO GOD ILL FINISH US BOTH OFF!" He screamed at the top of his lungs with what little air he had left. He ripped off the bandages, the healing wounds breaking open. I wont let you die.. "Watch me." He said, grabbing an empty needle and stabbing it into his leg, dragging it through the muscle as pain ripped through his body. He needed help. Wouldnt anyone realize that? Blood dripped, then poured onto the sheets, the sight making him sick. But he was in his own world now. He stabbed his thigh, then screamed out in pain as he pulled the needle through his leg. And the only thing on his mind was Diane. -- The nurse flew to the phone, dialing the number Brendan have gave them. "Diane?! Diane, this is the nurse- theres no time! Brendan needs you! Hes going into shock, hes seeing things, talking to people who arent there. If you dont come NOW, were going to have to put him under.." She rambled as quickly as she could to the girl on the other end of the phone. -- She doesnt love you! She loves him! The guy who threatened you! The clown! You honestly think she could love you?! EVER?! She wants to lay that guy! Youre just second best!And with that, anyhope Brendan was hanging onto was gone. He gasped as tears fell down his cheeks and he looked around, now tied down. "Youre right.. Im second best.." He whispered as he let go, falling into a sleep he might not come out of. |
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Post by Braxton Reid on Mar 2, 2010 17:28:53 GMT
"Brendan?!" Braxton screamed, reaching for his brother. But he was only put to sleep. He was so pale, so lifeless. And Braxton was sure he was dead. He walked out into the waiting room, crying hysterically.
"Not Brendan.. H-he was a good person.." He cried, walking outside. But then sun only drove him back inside. He sat down, his head in his hands as he began to sob. Not only for his brother, but for Diane, and the life they could have had together. Braxton knew Brendan would have given Diane the world, if he would have been okay. He slipped from the chair to the floor, crying even harder.
"Why did you help him?!" He screamed at the nurse. "My brother is DEAD and its because you didnt get that damn voice out of his head!"
"Were trying to revive him. Just calm down.." She said calmly, sitting beside him.
"ITS NOT GONNA DO ANY GOOD!"
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Post by Brendan Reid on Mar 2, 2010 17:46:58 GMT
"Diane?" He asked, reaching out to her.
"Go away. I dont love you anymore, Brendan." She snapped, turning back to him, her lips black as coal.
"But, Diane.. I-I thought..-"
"Shut up! Go be a faggot like your brother! Then I might love you! I dont want a straight guy! The gay ones are much more fun! Much more fun.." She smirked, walking closer.
"But, Diane, Im not gay.. I want you.."
"I enjoy the DANCE. The THRILL. Of not being able to have what I want.. You make things entirely too easy.. I want him and you know that. Because hes GAY. Because I cant have him." She smirked, pushing him down.
But he only looked up at her with wide eyes. "But.. You proposed, Diane.."
She slipped the ring off of her finger, hurling it at him. "I wouldnt marry you if you were the last guy on Earth! Ill marry HIM! And We'll live happily ever after."
"Diane.." He cried, reaching for her, her ring clutched in his hand. "Diane!"
Brendan gasped, his heart racing. He looked over, his brother asleep in the chair. He looked like he had been crying for hours. Brendan reached over to the table, taking his ring in his hand. Then he placed it back on the bedside table, turning over on his side so he wouldnt have to look at it.
"I enjoy the DANCE."
He clutched his pillow a little tighter.
"I enjoy the THRILL."
Tears began to fall down his pale cheeks.
"Of not being able to have what I want.
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Post by Braxton Reid on Mar 2, 2010 17:59:48 GMT
"Diane?" Braxton mumbled, knocking on her door. "Diane, hes awake.."
"Its open.." Came a small cry. He stepped in slowly, his head down. And as he looked up, his heart broke. There sat Diane, clinging to her Valentines bear for dear life.
"Diane, hes awake..." He said again, sitting beside her. He reached out, placing a hand over hers.
"O-oh.. Did he ask for me?" She mumbled, looking at him with bloodshot eyes.
"H-he just woke up.. All he did was turn over to his side. Thats how he thinks, you know.. When he wakes up.. And he has something to think about.. He turns over to his side.." He said, caressing her hand gently.
"Does he still love me?"
"Of course. He wouldnt love anyone else.."
"WELL I DONT LOVE HIM!" She screamed, hurling the bear across the room. Braxtons eyes widened at the sudden chance of mood.
"Diane, dont say that.. We all know you love him.. You still have your-" But as he looked at the hand he had been holding, her ring was gone. "Diane? Wheres your ring?"
"I CRUSHED IT! INTO A MILLION PIECES! It was beautiful.. But I crushed it!"
Braxton jumped, looking over at his brother, who was -indeed- turned on his side.
"WELL I DONT LOVE HIM!"
"Brendan? Hey? You awake? Heres your phone.." He said, walking over to him and handing him the touch screen. But Brendan just slapped it away, the phone landing in a corner across the room.
"Its okay.." Braxton said, stroking his hair.
"Shes gone.." He heard him whisper, the words catching in his throat. "Shes gone, Brax."
"Bren.. I.." But he didnt know what to say.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Mar 2, 2010 18:05:59 GMT
"Shes gone, Brax.." He mumbled, a single tear falling down his cheek. "Shes gone.."
-Fin-
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