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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 12, 2010 23:26:05 GMT
She looked down at her hands, and then back at Brendan. She knew it was time that she should get out of the car, and that she would only be slowing him down to get to the hospital, but she didn't want to leave like this. Carefully, she moved over to his seat, wrapping her hands around him, ready to pull back at a moments notice if he wanted her to. She held him close, putting her head on his chest and listening for a heartbeat, blinking rapidly. It was a silly time to cry, as there was no real reason, but she still felt sad. "I would wait up for someone like you any day," she said softly as her voice came dangerously close to breaking, closing her eyes and squeezing him, careful not to be too tight.
"You sure you don't want me to keep you company?" she asked, pulling herself up, feeling herself shivering slightly. She would blame the cold, but she knew it was the adrenaline running through her system, bracing herself for the flight or fight instincts to come in.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 12, 2010 23:34:27 GMT
"Id like that..."Brendan nodded, wanting her to come with him more than anything. He wasnt looking forward to spending half the night in a cold hospital just to get a shot, which he feared very much.
"Diane.." He mumbled, cupping her cheek in his hand. He stared into her eyes, lost in time it seemed. He saw the tears and his heart broke into a million pieces. Seeing her hurt killed him inside.
"Diane, I dont just want you for sex. And I know it came across as I did, but I dont. I want you. Heart and soul. Making love to you means nothing to me if it hurts you. It can wait for the right time. Even if its not with me..." He kissed her forehead gently. "As long as its right for you."
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 12, 2010 23:44:49 GMT
She smiled, a nervous laugh breaking the water in her eyes as a single black tear ran down her face. She quickly wiped it away, looking back at Brendan with a breathtaking smile made especially for him, getting lost in his eyes and his words. She leaned closer, hovering just above his lips as her heart beat quickly. The pause before the kiss, the spark that ran through there bodies, was her favourite part of passion. It was genuine, unforgable, and if you purposefully tried to seek it it didn't exist at all. But when felt, it was like seeing a shooting star, getting your greatest pleasure.
She leaned forwards, pressing her lips against his, feeling her body shivering as she pressed against him. But it was only for a moment, as she pulled back, intending it only to seal the words she had to come. "I really want this to work, Brendan. Sometimes I forget that... that I say more than I mean. And sometimes I mean more then I'm willing." she looked down, shaking her head as she realised her words didn't make a lot of sense. "Basically, I'm sorry if you thought I lead you on in that way. It's honestly not that I don't want it, it's just... still a little scary to me," she admitted.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 12, 2010 23:57:11 GMT
"It is scary. And it hurts for awhile... But you have to keep going. And its going to hurt time and time again even after the first time... I wouldnt have even thought about it if you wouldve told me.." He mumbled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He pulled her close as he moved to sit on the console, leaning down to kiss her gently. He raised his hand to her neck, then reached up to pull out her ponytail, letting her hair hang down.
"I dont like girls with their hair up." He said with a smile, kissing her again before sliding back into his seat and starting the engine again.
"Are you sure you wanna come? Its going to be long and boring." He said, wanting to add a comment to that but then decicing not to. "And youre going to see me scared as all hell..."
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 13, 2010 0:11:36 GMT
She blushed, running her hair through her straightened hair and messing it up slightly, trying to get out the slight kink the hair bobble had left and give a little volume to her usually flat hair. She smiled, looking out of the front window as she shrugged. "I've been there so many times the last few weeks, it'll be good to go for once not as a patient," she said with a small smile, wondering if her doctor would be there. "I want to take care of you," she told him with a small smile.
She shrugged, looking out of the window. Her mind had let her forget the pain which she had gone through during that first and only time, and now it was all flooding back she was slightly afraid. She looked down, submerging herself in a thick cloud of silence. But, if anyone could look after her, she knew it would be Brendan. And in return, she would look after him. "I didn't say I was a virgin, I said practically a virgin." she corrected, "I-I've had sex once, a couple of years ago, but nothing since then..." she told him, trying to think as little as she could about that incident.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 13, 2010 0:20:42 GMT
Brendan looked at his hands, thinking that Diane going to the hospital is possibly the worst thing that could happen. She said she had just lost her friends, and where did dead people go? The hospital. And then the mourge, but first the hospital.
"Diane, maybe you shouldnt go..." He murmured, his foot on the break so the car wouldnt go anywhere. He looked over at her, and his breath caught in his throat. She was so beautiful, sitting there with her head down and her hair about her face. But behind that beauty was a broken girl, a girl he knew he couldnt help although he wanted to. Although he really wanted to. He knew he could never take the pain away. And that hurt him more than any physical pain could.
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 13, 2010 0:25:23 GMT
She frowned, looking at him questioningly, wondering where the sudden change of heart had come from. "Why?" she asked him, watching him carefully and suddenly fearing that he didn't want her after all, and that he was going to chase her away and break her heart. She was all too used to the wrong men breaking her heart. "What's the matter?"
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 13, 2010 0:33:24 GMT
"Y-you dont need to be at a hospital.. I-itll hurt you.." He mumbled, putting his hands into his lap and looking down. So many thoughts ran through his head: rude ones like 'youre abandoning her!' and affectionate ones like 'she needs you...'
He shook his head, clearing the thoughts. He wanted her with him, but that seemed selfish. But if she wanted to come...
"Its up to you. But I dont want you hurt...." He reached for her hand.
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 13, 2010 0:41:09 GMT
She frowned in confusion, wondering why he was suddenly acting like this, and why he should be concerned about her. Hospitals had always been a healing place in her mind, and when people had the chance to go to them everything was always solved. It was only when they didn't go that things went wrong... She closed her eyes, realising where his concern was coming from suddenly as she put her head against the headrest on her seat. "You think I went to the hospital because of them, don't you?" she said softly, smiling softly at him. It was slightly amusing, in a dark way.
She took his hand, and used her other hand to tip his chin towards her, to get him to look at her. "Honest, I'm fine with hospitals. Mel and Mayu never had a chance to ever set foot in one. Hospitals heal you." she reasoned with a shrug. "No, I... I broke my arm a couple of weeks ago. Then I kinda fell off a cliff." she said, pulling a face as her face burned red, realising that it sounded such an unbelievable story, especially to have both injuries side by side. "But I'm all better. See? Hospital equals good!" she said, her voice slightly childish.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 15, 2010 19:36:56 GMT
Brendan raised an eyebrow. Fell off a cliff, did she? Well, he had done many things to try and kill himself. He tried drowning, bleeding out, suffocation, even a gunshot to the head. But nothing seemed to work. He guessed he wasnt supposed to die, although he certainly thought he did.
"You know, Ive tried many things, but nothing as creative as jumping off a cliff." He said, revving the engine and pulling out of the parking lot. He pulled out of campus and made his way down the road onto the interstate, where he figured there would be an easy entrance to a hospital.
His mind flashed back to that night, that one dreadful night where he took his dads handgun and placed it to his head. He remembered the feel of the cold metal against his temple, the way it seemed to freeze time itself. He remembered placing his finger on the trigger and squeezing his eyes shut, almost praying that everything would go away, that this would be a dream, that he wouldnt have a gun up to his head. His finger found its way to the trigger, fitting there almost perfectly.
And then he remembered pulling it, and waking up in a hopsital somewhere, his dads hand in his, and his head feeling like it was about to explode.
"Dad? What happened? Why-"
He shook his head, raising his hand to his temple, and feeling the small indention of a scar that was still there.
"I-"
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 15, 2010 19:45:57 GMT
Diane looked at him concerned, her face blushing a little. "I said fell, not jumped..." she corrected him slowly, though her words fell slightly flat. Although she had actually fallen, it seemed false to say that; after all, she had been trying to prepare herself to jump when the ledge had given way. She looked down, remembering the aftermath of the incident, remembering what Mathew had told her and saying, "Although 'pushed' may have been a better word...." she said to herself, not really wanting to talk about it any more than that.
She looked up at Brendan, his words sinking in suddenly, "You tried to before?" she asked quietly, afraid to talk about it in case it upset him, but not wanting to sound insensitive enough to just ignore it completely. "Why?" she asked, her voice faint as she was ready for him to throw away her question without giving an answer.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 15, 2010 19:55:56 GMT
Brendan looked her right in the eyes, glancing occasionally at the clear stretch of a road in front of him.
"Thirteen times. Thirteen times Ive tried. And only once did it almost work." He said. He brushed his hair from his right temple, still wondering why he had grabbed and used the gun with his right hand.
"Its numb there now..." He mumbled, covering it back up with his hair. Something about his scars made him uncomfortable. Nearly all of the skin imperfections were self inflicted. He hated himself. He really did. Something about the way he lived, the person he was, made him want to die.
"Diane... Help me..." He mumbled, looking over at her.
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 15, 2010 20:04:25 GMT
She watched him carefully, leaning closer to him and putting her head on his shoulder. Thirteen times? It seemed so strange to Diane to even have attempted once. She remembered all of the scars that Antosha had hidden, wondering vaguely if everyone around her had these hidden scars, emotional or physical. "You know you can always talk to me," she told him, her voice soft as cotton wool, wrapping around him to protect him from the world. Diane had always considered her world to be wrapped in cotton world, away from the pain and struggling and feeling like watching anything that went wrong through a thick barrier. The world was starting to become clearer, the pain actually starting to strike her, and it felt only right for her to offer what little protection she had left to those that needed it. "And I won't be pleased if you try anything like that again. I have contacts on the other side, you know." she said, smiling as she tried to make a dark joke out of it all.
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Post by Brendan Reid on Jan 15, 2010 21:16:51 GMT
Brendan looked at her, her worry genuinely concerning him. He looked ahead at the road and crossed two lanes to get into the exit. He hung a right and entered the hospital parking lot. Turning the car off, he sat there, his head down. The pain wasnt getting to him. The memories were.
Every thought about everything that had happened to him - the gunshot, the attempted suicides, the poverty he had lived in - everything came flooding back. He put his head in his hands, the depression seeming to suck him right back into the hole he had dug himself out of. All the worries, struggles, and heartache came back full force. And he was fighting just to stay alive.
The last thing he needed was to be alone...
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Post by Diane McLain on Jan 15, 2010 21:27:16 GMT
She looked at him quietly. The car was almost silent, the only noises coming from Diane's occassional shuffling about in her seat and the quiet click as she took off the seatbelt, the whirring as it retreated back. She moved, turning herself much more easily to him and waiting for him to move. She smiled slightly, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. "I think you should return all of those talking medals. Must have been meant for someone else," she teased, opening her car door and sliding out but keeping the door open as he looked inside to Brendan. "You know the waiting takes much longer if you actually let them know you're here, yeah?" she told him, urging him to get his foot sorted out. Although she didn't want to admit it, she was more than a little bit worried about him.
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