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Post by Kit Livingston on Jan 14, 2010 4:43:18 GMT
He sighed, looking down as his hands tangled between each other nervously, finding himself unable to look at Zeke. "Yeah...." he said, his voice sounding stiff and as if he was close to choking. He hadn't known, only suspected, but Zeke's question made him certain now. A thick, uncomfortable silence was passing over them, smothering them both. He couldn't bare to look at Zeke, despite how concerned he was, just desperate for this awkwardness to end so they could go back to being friends.
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Post by Zeke James Vasser on Jan 14, 2010 4:52:36 GMT
He was silent. Zeke looked to the side at some more dead trees feeling strange. Disappointed, but he couldn't blame Kit, this was forced on him. Zeke tried to change the mood making it lighter. "W...well it's ok now because uhm, you know that it's not going to happen and…ha...I ah...know that it won't, so lets put it behind us eh?" He said looking down trying a bit too hard. "Uhm...look maybe I'll talk to you later mmkay?" He said standing up trying not to look at Kit. "It's fine...really" He said more quietly this time with a semi-forced smile on his face.
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Post by Kit Livingston on Jan 14, 2010 5:07:41 GMT
Kit sighed, shaking his head and turning up to finally look at Zeke. It was breaking his heart to see the sudden gap between them, filling him with physical pain to see him in emotional pain. "Wait," he said, taking his arm and holding onto it, not hard but still quite sternly, not letting him go. Maybe something of the experience was inadvertently trying to make him seem more manly, too. He couldn't quite look at him, but he at least attempted to occasionally, finding his gaze slipping every time it met his face. "If you go now then it'll just be awkward. You're too good a friend to lose because of something like this," he said, wondering why he was so adamant that Zeke didn't leave him. Zeke was one of the only people he had been able to trust so fully, or at least one of the only men. He had been able to talk to him like no one else, felt closer than he had in any of his fake relationships or true friendships.
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Post by Zeke James Vasser on Jan 14, 2010 5:14:05 GMT
He felt his arm grabbed not really feeling much and soon after the words. He shook his head smiling "And that's all, that's all I can ever be is a friend." He said quietly looking down. "But don't worry about losing 'Friend' Zeke because he'll be back soon." He said easily pulling out of Kit's hold. "I just need time to suppress the other Zeke you know the one that likes you?" He took a step. "Until I can just be 'friend' Zeke maybe we shouldn't talk so much. But don't worry because I'll be back eventually." He said turning to look at Kit with a small smile. "I just hope you can be patient with me." He said giving a small forced laugh.
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Post by Kit Livingston on Jan 14, 2010 5:36:53 GMT
Kit stood up quickly, wanting desperately to calm Zeke down. He wasn't making a lot of sense, rambling about 'friend' Zeke and the other Zeke. It didn't matter which one it was, they were both the same person to Kit. "Zeke, don't be like this..." he said, feeling his eyelids getting heavier as he was growing tired of his words, the pain starting to dull as each sentence was just another wound scarring him as he felt his friends pain.
"Zeke...." he said, taking both of his arms and forcing him to look at him, his voice stern as his body was held straight, "I don't want to wait." he said, his brain running at a million miles per hour. It was selfish thing to say, did it sound so selfish out loud? "I am fine with this, and I know you can be true, running away isn't going to help either of us." he said, trying to keep his eyes on his, even as it broke his heart.
Why does it matter? Why did it matter to him if Zeke went away? He was just a friend, and one that he hadn't known for that long... was Kit really so lonely? He looked at him, trying to find the answer in his eyes, in his hair, across his perfectly formed face....
His lips closed tightly shut, his hands suddenly letting go as the answer came to him in full force. He tried to tell himself it wasn't true, that it was just a desperate reaction to his admittance. He took a step back, feeling the sudden coldness rush through his body as he stayed out of Zeke's heat, concentrating desperately on keeping his body from shaking. He knew he was staring, a look of fear in his eyes, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't afraid of Zeke, or even the feelings which were so new, but a thousand images ran through his mind of the implications of what this... affection would mean, each filling him with more doubt than before.
He wanted to tell him to go, run away until they had both gotten over this affliction, until Kit had found himself a pleasant young girl to call his own and to forget that this had ever existed. But with the same thought came an unsteady one, that was eager to try the new forbidden fruit, draw him close and see what this new world held for him. Unable to react to either, he just stood, teeth gritted beneath tightly closed lips, staring at the new fork in his destiny.
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Post by Zeke James Vasser on Jan 14, 2010 23:36:55 GMT
Zeke listened closely to his words. He was trying so hard to get away, to avoid ruining things. If Kit would just let him go he could forget all this. No, he was pulling him back every time. Secretly, however, Zeke wanted this, to be wanted by someone. However he knew sooner or later he wouldn't be able to control his feeling for much long. Even now he was nearing his edge.
Being grabbed and turned only pushed him a bit further. Zeke avoided eye contact with him until he was released. In curiosity he looked over to see a confused scared looking Kit. He took it however as disgust rather. Little did he know the choice Kit would need to take. However behind what he thought was disgust was sadness something was wrong and Zeke couldn't turn away.
He took a step closer closing in the space between, rather than do what he wanted he tentatively stuck his hand out touch Kit's shoulder. "Look, I...I don't know what I should be doing anymore. I'm sorry I have to drop this on you, just smile alright?" He said looking sideways. "I'm telling you if you give some time I can forget this it's no big deal, it's a win-win situation, we stay friends and you can be assured I uhm...won't like you anymore." He said quietly.
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Post by Kit Livingston on Jan 14, 2010 23:48:09 GMT
He looked at the hand on his shoulder, otherwise trying to stay completely still, his face draining of all emotions as his eyes unfocussed and blurred, listening to the words wash over him. He couldn't listen to a word of it, wouldn't have been able to repeat them for all the money in the world, but their meaning was chiseled into his mind, as he fought the feeling of his hand touching his shoulder.
He pulled himself away again, feeling angry with himself as he felt his own heart shatter and break, unable to look at him or even face him. He was afraid of his actions, though, afraid that Zeke would misread them as disgust or hate. He didn't hate Zeke, every muscle in his body felt a connection between them, but he hated the new confusing feelings he had given them, wanting to throw them back at him. "Friends?" he asked, barely able to speak. It had seemed like years since he had broken the silence. "I...." he looked down, not sure what to think. To be friends seemed like a glimmering vision of heaven, and as attainable as it too.
"I don't want you to go," he told him, his voice clear as the words came as a revelation even to himself, finally able to meet his eyes. He didn't dare smile; smiling would seem like a cruel joke when he was so close to pain.
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Post by Zeke James Vasser on Jan 15, 2010 0:06:26 GMT
Kit pulled back and he retracted his hand, like you would after touching something really hot. Zeke stood there in silence hearing a few word's Kit was saying. It didn't make much sense anymore. He wanted Zeke to stay and be his friend, but Zeke couldn't do that he would need to first get over this. "Kit...I have to leave, if you want us to be friends...I mean." He said quietly.
He noticed him looking at him unable to meet Kit's eyes. When he did though it broke him, so much pain, he just wondered from what? It was him. Zeke must have caused all this. He took a small step back. "I...uhm..." Zeke looked sideways unable to look into his eyes again.
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Post by Kit Livingston on Jan 15, 2010 0:26:35 GMT
He closed his eyes softly, letting his head fall down in defeat. He wanted Zeke, but there was no way that he would admit why. Not until he had fully thought things over, made sure that this wasn't just some obscure reaction to his liking, a inbuilt politeness which made him instantly feel that he needed to return the favour. It wouldn't have been the first time something like that had happened, and it had come very suddenly.
He sighed, his eyes opening only slightly, concentrating on the dark ground beneath them. "Yeah..." he admitted, his voice low and cold. "I guess we both need time to wrap our heads around this, right?" he said with a small shrug, finally giving him a smile, almost as a peace offering.
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Post by Zeke James Vasser on Jan 15, 2010 0:30:55 GMT
Zeke finally met Kit's surrender. Something felt wrong still, nothing a few days couldn't fix right. "Uhm...okay then, so I guess I'll see you around." He said awkwardly. He couldn't leave like this, it sill felt too strange. Zeke stepped up to him slowly wrapping his arms around him in a small hug but soon pulled back. "Er...sorry. Seemed like the thing to do." He said taking another few steps back. "Bye..." He said softly "For now at least." Zeke said giving a small apologetic smile
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Post by Kit Livingston on Jan 15, 2010 0:38:21 GMT
He felt his entire body stiffen in the embrace, as he tried to stop himself from melting and somewhat overcompensated. He blinked, looking in Zeke's directions with eyes that didn't seem to work anymore. "Uh... bye?" he said suddenly, his eyes flicking up as something in his mind suddenly alerted him to the fact this would be the last time he would see him for some time. "I-I guess I'll see you. Give me a text when you want, yeah?" he said, his voice shaking slightly and almost instantly regretting saying that. He didn't want to sound desperate, even if to Zeke it may have just seemed desperate for friendship.
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