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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 15:11:11 GMT
The night was ending, finally. It couldn’t have happened at a better time. Antosha smiled to himself, gently rubbing Luna’s fur. He was home, finally. Well, as much as his room would ever become home. His clothes were wrinkled, and slightly dirty from being outside so much. Not to mention how tired he was, which was very in case anyone asked.
Luna purred, running her back along the length of his hand, demanding more attention. “Luna, Brynn will be home soon.” Antosha complained, though he gave her a scratch behind the ear before standing up and going to his dresser. Looking for a pair of pants and a shirt no doubt.
Ever since the episode he had with Diane the magic hadn’t taken effect, so his scars were showing perfectly. Silver lines of death marring his wrists and arms, perfect little sirens. Antosha pulled off his formal clothes, folding them carefully into a black bag. He carefully inspected his clothes for any tears or rips before pulling them on. The loose white shirt wasn’t enough to hide the scars, but it didn’t matter anymore. Someone already knew so the rest might as well.
“Alright Luna, let’s wait for Brynn shall we?” though he knew the boy wouldn’t be back for awhile. Antosha had headed out early, not wanting to deal with everyone’s bull-taka. Luna jumped onto his bed, gently pawing at the string hidden under the pillow. Her bright blue eyes looked up at him, for a second it seemed as if she were far more intelligent then she showed. It was gone, she meowed, complaining about Brynn being gone. He laughed, tossing her a catnip toy which she pounced on instantly and jack-rabbited across the room.
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 21, 2009 3:38:30 GMT
Brynn walked up a flight of stairs to his room thinking back of how the night. It had been great up until he and Anto parted. In after that his night pretty much sucked. He couldn't stop thinking about Anto so much so he got a headache. Bryn had reached his room door sighing hoping Anto wasn't back yet. Upon opening it he noticed Anto and Luna playing. He smiled at the two of them. "Hey..." He said weakly walking over to his drawer pulling out some plaid pajama pants and a light blue shirt. Both quite comfortable. He changed quickly and put his formal clothing away flopping back on his bed.
Brynn sighed wondering if there was any Tylenol around. He got back up crossing the room to go find some, after taking two pills he began walking back but noticed something different about Anto. Scars? Scars! He rushed over. "Ant what happened?" He asked worry in his eyes. Who hurt him? What happened? He took a breath closing his eyes to regroup himself. Losing control was never a good thing.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 21, 2009 3:47:01 GMT
Antosha almost fell out of his spot when Brynn bombed him with the questions. "Well hello to you too." he laughed, ignoring the questions. Luna meowed, batting at Brynn's hand carefully, wanting attention form her favorite boy. He sighed, leaning against the wall. "Nothing happened, the scars are old. Relax." His voice was calm, relaxing. The same smile as with Diane crept on to his face, the kind you wore only when the stitches were being ripped open. He was floating on a cloud of blue, fading in and out of happiness.
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 21, 2009 3:56:32 GMT
Brynn frowned touching them softly still concerned but he trusted Anto if he was lying there was a reason right? He leaned back with nothing to say. Luna had been pawing at him. He gave a weak smile picking her up scratching her head softly. It was quiet Brynn was soon in his own mind.
Can't even give 100%. Three words aren't so bad even if they don't mean anything yet.
His thoughts were picking on him somewhat. Brynn sighed. He could easily say those words but would they even mean anything. That was the thought of the day. Would it mean anything? In his opinion if it didn't mean anything it was like spitting in the person's face. Brynn had to push himself though, had to make himself feel sure even if it wasn't real. Nobody really waited this long anyways right? Teenagers don't care about love it's all fake to them. Brynn stood up walking to his own bed with Luna purring in his hands. He sat down leaning against the wall still trapped in his head.
All he had to do was so those words, those three words. Then he would assure Anto and things would be ok. Right? Brynn looked back down realizing how unresponsive Anto had been how somewhat emotionless he had been talking with Brynn, not kissing, but talking. His words seemed to be portraying how much it hurt to be so patient. He was hurting Anto. Brynn took a breath. "Ant..." He closed his eyes focusing on say those three tiny words. Words could change so much. "I..." He pushed himself but nothing came. "l...l...ooo..." It couldn't be forced out, nothing seemed to work. He gave up nothing could fix this now. Brynn grabbed a pillow falling face first into it.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 21, 2009 4:02:05 GMT
Antosha looked up, shaking his head. "Don't." he managed to squeeze out, wincing while his voice broke. Was it not bad enough that he'd almost killed this evening? But now Brynn was trying to force himself into something. Something that would never work out, not for a long time anyway. "Don't force it." he tried again, wanting so bad to hear anything but that come out of his mouth.
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 21, 2009 4:11:03 GMT
Brynn shook his head into the pillow. His muffled voice reached out. "But...but if I don't." He picked his head up leaning back against his wall. He had has pillow hugged to his chest his knees up to his chest as well. "If I don't I'm just going to keep hurting you." He said looking down biting on his nail. "I don't want that." He looked back up at the wall across from him. "It's my fault." He muttered quietly. "And I'm really sorry." He began biting on his nail again. "I'm sorry...sorry..." He said getting extremely quiet to a whisper. He wouldn't allow himself to cry instead he took a breath rubbing his dry eyes. Luna must have backed off at some time she was at his feet warming them. His stomach felt queasy. Holding in emotion wasn't good for you was it? He shook his head a bit. "Anto...I just...I can't..." Even now this was probably hurting him. Maybe he should become a mime, and never speak that might help a little bit.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 21, 2009 12:31:13 GMT
Antosha blinked his eyes, the only sign that he'd actually heard what Brynn said. The words had been stabs to his heart, but he chose to ignore it. This had been a mistake, falling for his roommate, it was all one big mistake. He moved slowly to Brynn's side, sitting beside him but refusing to touch him. "Don't be sorry, nothing here is your fault. I'm not hurting now, alright? But if you try and force yourself into anything for me, now that will hurt me. So take as much time as you need, fling around with other guys for a bit. I don't mind. Because I'll always be here, waiting." he forced on a smile, almost cracking his mask in an effort to make Brynn feel better. It had been a lie to say he wasn't hurting, but Brynn didn't need that kind of pressure or stress. He deserved so much more then Antosha could ever hope to offer him. His eyes remained dry, though tears threatened to spill. That was it, that was what was holding him back. Antosha couldn't hope to ever compare to any of the other men at school, all of them were much better then himself. Brynn deserved one of them, anyone but himself. This had all been a mistake, his own heart was lying to him. He couldn't love Brynn, couldn't even like him, it was forbidden now. So why does the forbidden ones always taste the sweetest?
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 21, 2009 19:57:23 GMT
Brynn's head was in his arms as he shook slowly. "No." He said his voice quiet. "I don't want to go fling with other guys." Brynn kept his head down his voice slightly muffled. If he didn't want other guys, and he didn't want Ant, fully at least, what did he want? He just wanted for himself to not hurt Ant, and for people to be happy for once. How could he stop hurting Anto? Cut it off all together? Though he didn't want that at least it would maybe end up hurting himself rather than Ant that was ok. Brynn could tell he was still hurting Ant, and maybe that's all he was able to do. He couldn't love him only hurt him. Brynn lifted his head all emotion seemingly drained, however in reality it was bottled. He touched his eyes gently to make sure they weren't moist. Luckily they were still dry and not hot meaning he didn't look ready to cry. "D...don't say it's not my fault." He looked down. "D...don't." He shook his head. "Because you know it is...I know it is. But I want you to also know I'm sorry." Brynn took a breath. "I just...want you to accept that." He said. "Just accept it's my fault."
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 21, 2009 21:16:50 GMT
He looked away, trying to sort all of this into his mind. This is why he'd tried to hide everything, maybe a kiss was a mistake, opening up was surely worse. The options were simple; keep trying or cut it off. Only the first one seemed right, only it was something he was good at. Stubborn as an ox, not to mention thick headed, giving up just wasn't in his vocabulary. Antosha looked back at Brynn, keeping his voice and face emotionless. Refusing, one again, all logic and reality. "I can not accept something that is not true." he said slowly, forcing out each word as if it killed him. Maybe it was killing him, but it wasn't going to change anything. If he did have to give up on Brynn then there was no way he could possibly stay in this room. Even if he had to stay here Brynn wouldn't like it very much to come back and find him dead.
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 22, 2009 2:06:13 GMT
Brynn gave sigh finding it useless to argue with him any longer. What more was there to say? There was no more to do, just work through the pain. Brynn was extremely interested in his nails at the moment, or so it looked that way. Brynn looked up at Anto noticing how hard everything he said, every word, how hard it was to squeeze out of the heart of his and in a way it broke Brynn. Inside of course. He had to cut this off. Tomorrow he'd switch dorms and try avoiding him that should work. Luna was be his side. He picked her up gently scratching her head receiving noises of satisfaction. At least she would always like him.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 22, 2009 2:24:55 GMT
"I'm leaving now. Good luck with your life." His words were soft, but meant to cause pain. The sooner Brynn forgot about him the better, for him, not Antosha. He kept a firm smile, refusing to let actual emotion control his expressions. Without another word he packed up his things into one bag, glad that it didn't take long to do. Earlier, when he first arrived in the room, Antosha had hidden a bag filled with the majority of his things in case he needed to leave in a hurry. Or for a case such as this. He slung the bags over his shoulder, giving Luna a small pat on the head before reaching for the doorknob. He paused, turning around, his expression softened. There was one last thing he had to get off his chest, but maybe. Just maybe. Brynn would try and stop him first.
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 22, 2009 2:46:25 GMT
Brynn was still trapped in his head when the words 'goodbye' reached him. Anto was beating him to the cut. "No..." He stood up Luna jumping down. "Don't leave you're not the one who supposed to do that." He said with a frown trying to look threatening most likely failing horribly. "I'm the one who's supposed to do that, you're the one who's supposed to be happy." He said grabbing Anto's wrist with both hands. "So...I'm not letting you go." He looked down avoiding eye contact.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 22, 2009 3:02:32 GMT
Antosha pulled away gently from Brynn, trying to escape "It's whats best. You and I both know it." Cold hard steel, unbending and untouchable. He was lying to himself, but it would save Brynn in the end. Right? If Brynn was happy then he'd be happy. Besides, Antosha would always keep an eye on him so nothing horrible would happen. He sighed, trying to bite back the words he needed to say before he left. The words that had been choking him for days, and the words Brynn couldn't say.
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Post by Brynn Ciel Devereux on Dec 22, 2009 3:08:18 GMT
Brynn shook his head softly. "No..." He said hugging his arm. It was getting ridiculous. "If you leave...I'll be more upset then I am now." He said looking down. "You can't..." He said feeling at most to tears he had since earlier. Was Anto crying? He felt moisture on his arm. He pulled one away touching his own eye finding it moist. No...No this wasn't happening. He kept his head down hair covering his eyes; he wouldn't let Anto see him now. "D..don't..." Was about all he could manage to say. He was vigorously wiping at his eyes hoping that the tears would stop soon. He didn't want to embarrass himself. Brynn kept wiping and wiping cursing himself for being unable to stop. Luckily it wasn't a noisy cry or a shaky one just lots of water. "Stop...stop." He muttered softly under his breath trying her to keep them back. "No..." He breathed.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 22, 2009 3:26:59 GMT
Antosha carefully wrapped his arms around Brynn, dropping his bags. "I'm sorry." his words were barely above a whisper, sincerity ringed through out it. He sighed, wondering how he was suppose to get away now. "Brynn? Can I say something... If you promise not to hate me for it?" his voice was softer, more broken. No wonder people didn't admit to things like this, it was harder then he thought.
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