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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 16:35:14 GMT
She shook her head, feeling very much so that it did matter to her. Antosha would always have two more kisses then she ever could, and even if she didn't want him it was still something that bugged her. "I-" she looked down, turning back to the sea, remembering it. She gave a short laugh. "Do you want to know what my first reaction was to you doing that? The one you couldn't feel because of Michael?" she asked, shaking her head. "I was angry. I was angry at you. I'd made a choice to take the highroad and leave all this mess and you took that away from me," she looked up, hardly believing it herself. "I mean, I don't feel angry now..." she said slowly, wondering just where her rambling was going.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 16:47:09 GMT
Antosha stayed silent, his eyes frozen. Refusing to answer. Besides, what could he say to her? 'I'm sorry'? Yeah, he was sick of those words. Sick of saying them of often. From now on he wouldn't say them, wouldn't regret a singe action. He’d take life by the balls and make it his bitch. He snorted, wondering what was wrong with him to act like that. But whatever, if he was going to do this. He was going to do it properly.
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 16:52:31 GMT
She sighed, leaning her chin against her knees. Usually this would be a magical moment. The sort that you see in movies. The water was calming, but she could still feel the occasional wave striking the rocks below her harder than the others, desperate for attention. She looked at him, knowing exactly what she wanted to say to him, knowing exactly what she wanted to do. She wanted to ask him if she should go. She wanted to walk away, let him simmer through his thoughts. But she turned away, continuing to look at the horizon. She didn't want the moment to last, but she was too afraid of the next to break it.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 17:02:50 GMT
Antosha still stayed silent, preferring it to words. Why did anyone have to talk anyone? Why was it always him they wanted? Always up to. He grimaced, picking up a rock and throwing it as far as he could, glad to see it plopping into the ocean. Maybe one day he’d start to care, but that day wasn’t going to be today. Not with Diane. Not with Mayu. Not with Melville. Not with Lily-Mae or her oblivious Aiden. Not with anyone but Brynn. But forget it, not that it mattered, not that he cared. Suddenly he wished he could drown his sorrows in yet another bottle.
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 17:10:36 GMT
She sighed, closing her eyes tightly. Maybe he knew she was trying to read his thoughts, maybe not. It didn't matter, it was about time that he got a taste of his own medicine. She didn't want to talk either, to break what little they had. She knew that if she left him then that she might never come back, which although it broke her heart it would probably be best for him. One less person to think of, and to pretend to give a damn about.
She licked her drying lips. It felt like a forever since she'd spoken, "Brynn'll be wondering where you are." she suggested.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 17:17:24 GMT
Antosha turned to her, melting inside. The ice had so cold it burned, ripping off parts of himself in it’s escape. “I know. But he doesn’t need someone like me.” His voice was soft, floating, nothingness. Beauty, Beauty and the Beast. He chuckled to himself. Now who was the beast here? “I don’t want you to go.” He said seriously, gently touching her shoulder.
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 17:23:32 GMT
"And who does he need?" she asked, giving him a kind and sympathetic smile. She was looking at him, seeing her old friend again in need of help. "Who do you really think is perfect for him?" she asked him quietly.
She looked down, seeing his hand on her shoulder, feeling the rush of emotions that she thought she'd cut away rear up again. "Dammit." she said, her voice tiny and broken as she had to look away.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 17:48:32 GMT
Antosha pulled away quickly, retreating behind ice. “Someone who isn’t me. Someone who isn’t crazy. Lynn.” His voice was just as broken as hers. Part of him wanted to reach out to her, to help heal her, make her whole again. The rest of him didn’t think a broken toy could fix another. Maybe if he died she’d be able to use his soul as stitches. Death, the never ending fear. Death, the thing everyone was working towards. Sooner or later someone here would die, and they would be missed. He wondered who would go first. “Talk to me..”
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 17:53:01 GMT
She smiled, looking at him through the corners of her eyes as she watched the water, "We're all a little crazy, Antosha. I mean, look at me. I'm a crazy psycho when I want to be, not to mention a semi-stalker," she said with a shrug. Even as she spoke, she wasn't really talking to him, even upon his request. She was answering his questions and throwing the replies into the water, ready to be tied to them and find herself being dragged with them, into the water.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 18:04:21 GMT
“Would you dance with me?” he asked quietly. Antosha stood up slowly, dusting off invisible dirt from his closes. He held an outstretched hand to her, questioning her without forcing. It was a request, if she said no it wouldn’t matter, if she said yes maybe the game could go on for just a bit longer. A mask fell into place, guarding his darkest secrets. Exposed, beaten, and bruised. Gone were his weaknesses, in place stood the old Antosha. Strong, alive, and able to sweep anyone off their feet if they would just let him in.
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 18:09:39 GMT
She looked up at him, running her eyes across her hands and up to his scarred arms, taking in a breath as she returned to his eyes. They were, to put it simply, dreamy, ready to trap her like a fly caught in amber. She could almost see herself floating in them for an eterntity. She took his hand and pulled herself up, but instead shook her head. "I-I'm a little tired of dancing, Antosha," she said her voice shaking as she tried to hold back tears. "I'm gonna go now," she said, nodding to herself and giving him one last look goodbye, wondering when she would see him again, before trying to leave.
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 18:18:51 GMT
"Diane..." he called softly. He wanted to stop her, trap her inside his arms so no one would be able to get in. But he knew better, knew she wouldn’t let him. Antosha reached out for her, trying to grab her before she left. Even if she did stay, it wouldn’t be for long. Once she left, something told him he wouldn’t be coming back. Not for a long time.
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 18:28:35 GMT
She stopped in her tracks, still feeling herself completely at Antosha control. She was already crying soundlessly, just as she'd promised she wouldn't. She didn't want to stop, to be turned back, but she knew if she didn't explain then it would never be real. She kept herself turned away, barely moving as she spoke, "I can't be trusted around you, Antosha. I just hurt you and hurt myself every time. I'm sick of loving you." she told him, still refusing to turn around. "Because I do love you. And there's nothing I can do about it but walk away."
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Post by Antosha Cobb on Dec 20, 2009 18:53:54 GMT
Antosha remained motionless, looking at the ground while he thought. “If you really need to leave me.. Then go. I won’t stop you.” His voice was weak, wavering at every word. The mask cracked again, falling to the ground. It was just too hard to keep them up now. Just too hard to keep playing a game that could never end well. A game that hurt them, and would never amount to anything. As much as he loved her. He would never be able to do anything more then dance.
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Post by Diane McLain on Dec 20, 2009 19:00:55 GMT
She nodded, turning around to him slowly, wanting so much to just be able to hold him, forget that any of this had happened. They'd done that before, hadn't they? "Antosha..." she said slowly, feeling every break in his voice. She stepped forwards, giving him one final hug, holding onto him tightly. It had to last, be real in her memories as the last time. "I still don't get why you care if I go," she said while still holding him, giving a weak laugh as she wiped away her tears.
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